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How to Say No

by Peggy Morrow    

After all, a lot of us have been socialized to please others, to always say "yes." And certainly you want to be helpful and to say yes as often as you can. But in today’s fast-paced, hectic world, you must say no sometimes. Here are a few ideas to help you practice your "no script."

"I’m so sorry, if I could do that for you I would." This is a softer way to say "no." And you would do it for them if you could, wouldn’t you? So it is appropriate to say you are sorry.

This is closely related to "I’d love to, but no." Provide a reason or excuse why you can’t do it.

"Let me get back to you on that." While you are making up your mind, the person may find someone else to do it. It will also give you time to think about it. Often we say "yes" when we really want to say "no" because in the heat of the moment we can’t think of a good excuse.

"I can’t help you right now, but I could do it next Wednesday. Would that be okay?" This response gives you credit for wanting to help, but manages it on your time schedule, not theirs.

"Before I do this for you, let me show you a few things that you can do by yourself." This helps you to wean someone away from always needing your help.

"Sure, I’ll be glad to do that report, but which of my other projects shall I let slide and put in front of this?" When you have people who load you up with work, you must help them prioritize. You can’t do it all at once, but often they don’t realize how long a project will take so you need to make them aware of the time needed and other projects you have on tap.

" No, I wouldn’t feel right about doing that." It’s hard for people to argue with your ethics. If you want, you can explain why, but you don’t have to. If you don’t feel right doing something, that is reason enough. Be assertive.

"I’ll agree to do _____, if you agree to do _____." This is a negotiation kind of "no." Often good to use with children or co-workers.

"It’s been so long since I did that, I wouldn’t know how to do it." This is the "Play dumb no." Ask them to check with other people who have done it more recently or to check in the manual.

"You know, Susan is really good at that. Why don’t you ask her?" By suggesting someone else, you come across as helpful, yet you don’t have to do the work.

Finally, just "No." A flat "no" is sometimes needed, but use sparingly and with care or you will risk getting the reputation that you are uncooperative or not a team player.

So the next time someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, use one of these "no" statements.


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Peggy Morrow is an author, consultant and professional speaker on the subjects of customer service management, teams and time management. To have her work with your group, contact her via her web page at www.peggymorrow.com.