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Family: Strengthening the Bonds

by Ohio State University Extension    

For all the talk about a decline of the family, it remains an effective unit in which to raise children. To be sure, the "typical" family of the "Father-Knows-Best" era is not so common, and today the term "family" includes various living arrangements. However they define it, people are healthier mentally and physically if they feel linked to a family.

Strong Families

What makes a family strong? There is no one set of qualities that can be said to make all families strong. Indeed, what strengthens one family may not support another. Families identified as being strong tend, however, to have some qualities in common.

Some of the qualities that pull families together and keep them operating as a unit, even when the going gets rough include:

• A positive marriage, with both spouses working to maintain a healthy relationship.
• Parents who share views on childrearing, financial goals, and financial management.
• Caring, supportive members who express love in words and actions.
• "Family rules," agreed upon by all members, which make family life run smoothly.
• Being together in positive ways, both in work and play, instead of settling for "leftover time."
• Family time to give members a sense of belonging.
• A willingness by all to learn to communicate effectively. Members listen, pay attention to nonverbal messages, ask questions, and work towards understanding each other. Conflicts are discussed and solutions agreed upon by all involved.
• Flexibility and acceptance of change. Members use positive coping styles to deal with changes in their own lives, in the family, and in society.
• Family rituals incorporated into everyday life. Making ordinary events, such as eating together and bedtime, special. Members "share" rather than just "do" what life requires (routine).
• Spirituality as a guiding force that bonds the family together.
• Sharing of responsibilities. Each family member is part of the team and has something valuable to contribute.
• An interest and concern for the happiness of others.
• Spending leisure time with the family.
• Humor as a way to relieve tension and bring members closer together.
• Respect for each other's privacy and belongings.
• An allowance and encouragement of differences in interests and opinions.

Creating a healthy family doesn't mean working toward some master list of "strengths." Identifying, defining, and celebrating your family strengths is what's important. Treat all members with respect, center on the family, and develop the ability to deal positively with change and crises.

Where do you start? Start by slowing down and make a mental or written list of all your activities.

• Do they help attain your family's goals?
• Are they necessary?
• Do they pull your family members closer together or push them further apart?
• Do you rush through activities without really connecting with people?
• Are all family members getting the time and attention they need?

Regardless of the age of your children, it's never too late to strengthen your family relationships. Just take it slow and easy, and don't expect too much too soon.

References

Guarendi, Ray. (1990). Back to the Family. New York: Villard.

Hamdorf, Kent G. Building Family Strengths. Columbus: Ohio State University Extension.

Pearsal, Paul. (1990). The Power of the Family. New York: Bantam-Doubleday-Dell.

Prepared by

Joan M. Reid
OSU Extension Agent
Family and Consumer Sciences
Coshocton County