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Handle Occasional Referral Resistance with Ease

by Bill Cates    

Five steps to dealing with referral resistance.

STEP 1. Agree and validate their position: Because your client's perception is their reality, they will resist your attempts to change their view if you're not careful. After you validate their position with some supporting statement, don't erase that goodwill by using the word "but," which negates everything you said just before it.

STEP 2. Ask permission to explore: You want to fully understand the nature of their resistance and what the deeper truth might be. You need to be soft here. I've found that when I ask permission to explore -- have a quick conversation about it - my clients are not threatened and don't get defensive.

STEP 3. Rearm their view of things gently, with their permission: If, in the exploration step, you realize they may be willing to consider other ways to look at things, you want to gently help them do that. If you can accomplish this by educating them further or other quick thinking on your part, move to Step 4. On the other hand, if their resistance is deep rooted, you probably want to move on to Step 5. STEP 4. Gain agreement and move on with the conversation: In this step, you basically ask if they can see and adopt the new "frame" or perspective you've shown them. If they can, then you continue exploring who they know who may also benefit from knowing you.

STEP 5. If resistance is deep, back off: Because referral selling is a relationship game you don't want to weaken your relationships. If a prospect is adamant, you're better off retreating and living to pursue this another day. I've known many salespeople who have asked for referrals, encountered some resistance, backed off, and then received many referrals from that same customer later.

Here's a sample conversation using this formula: (SP is the salesperson; CL is the client)

CL: I don't know anyone.

SP: Well, that's fine. I'm curious. It's been my experience that when my clients tell me they can't think of anyone, sometimes what they're really saying is that they're not really comfortable giving referrals. It that true for you?

CL: Well, I guess it is, now that you mention it.

SP: Are you uncomfortable with referrals because you had a bad experience in the past?

CL: Actually, yes! I referred a salesperson to one of my friends a few years ago and he hounded her for weeks. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Do you know what I mean?

SP: You bet I do. I don't blame you for being a bit gun-shy. A couple of things ... . You may recall that it was through a referral that I came to know you. CL: I guess you're right.

SP: Maybe it will help if I tell you how I would contact anyone you recommended to me. Would you indulge me for a minute?

CL: Sure, go ahead.

Now you explain to the client how you'd contact their friend or colleague (much the same way you contacted them). If they're OK with that, you move on to collect a name or two. If not, you back off and know that you've just planted a huge seed that will sprout later.


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Bill Cates is the author of the popular book UNLIMITED REFERRALS, UNLIMITED REFERRALS MARKETING SYSTEM® and is president of Referral Coach Intl. He is considered the nation's foremost expert and speaker on increasing sales through high-quality referrals!