In most cultures men are expected to be strong and responsible, to “act like a man.” Nancy Michels, in her book Helping Women Recover from Abortion (Bethany House Publishers, 1988), describes how the abortion experience produces role confusion in the following male attributes.
1. Power. The father has no legal or personal rights in the issue of abortion. He does not even have the right to know that it is happening. This can leave him feeling powerless and frustrated.
2. Activity and self-reliance. A man is expected to be in control of his life and able to change his environment. When he has no input into the abortion decision, he is likely to feel deceived and manipulated.
3. Achievement. Failure is shattering to a man. When pregnancy and abortion take place in an unmarried relationship, that relationship is more likely to fail. Studies have shown that failure in relationships can lead to alcoholism, depression and suicide. The only time abortion supports a man’s need to achieve when the man maintains his self-esteem through sexual accomplishments.
4. Protectiveness. Abortion places a severe strain on a man’s protective instincts. He is not given permission to feel and grieve this “loss of fatherhood.” Even if he was willing to support the abortion, afterward he is as likely to suffer from guilt, grief and anxiety as the woman.
The author describes a process whereby a man can cope with his guilt and grief through talking about it, allowing his feelings to surface, and forgiving and being forgiven.
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David Hertzler
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