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Active Parenting

by Ohio State University Extension    

Parenting takes a lot of energy. Because children often respond better to parents' actions than to their words, effective parents are active parents.

According to Michael H. Popkin, founder of Active Parenting Publishers, active parents have clear goals for their children and lead them towards these goals. Parents, not the children, are leaders in the family. This is different from "reactive" parents who react only after being pushed to the limit by their children. That reaction often involves frustration, anger, and sporadic discipline, not a clear and consistent parenting style.

Active parents help their children learn survival skills. Although many skills are important for surviving in a democratic family, according to Popkin, four stand out:

1. Courage

If children have courage (in combination with support and guidance from parents), they can try, fail, and try again until a challenge is mastered. Courage is a strong base for children. It is the core of a personality because it builds self-esteem, the heart of a child's potential.

2. Self-esteem

Simply put, self-esteem is how someone feels about himself or herself. If esteem is high, a person views himself or herself as capable and able to succeed, with courage to try new things. If unsuccessful, a person with high self-esteem looks at the experience as an opportunity to learn.

3. Responsibility

In active parenting, parents are leaders who encourage cooperation and stimulate learning. All family members make decisions and accept responsibility for those decisions -- that is, experience the consequences following a decision. Parents won't always be there to tell a child what to do. If children have learned to make responsible decisions and have the courage to stick with those decisions, however, they are ready to meet life's challenges on their own.

4. Cooperation

A child who can cooperate with others learns that life involves teamwork. In a society of equals, a child who can cooperate is more likely to survive. A parent-child relationship should be one of cooperation, not conflict. That cooperation must be won through many family experiences.

In an "active" parenting family, children have both the freedom of choice and limits on those choices. Parents are leaders, encouraging cooperation and helping children learn. There is order, routine, and the sense that every person in the family is an important member.

The key to allowing choices is to make them age-appropriate. Younger children need tighter limits, while older children can handle expanded freedoms. For example, a seven-year-old could choose between broccoli or peas. A ten-year-old could actually help plan the menu. Balance choices with a child's age and level of responsibility.

Active parents help children learn to have courage, be responsible and cooperative, and feel good about themselves. In a democratic, active parenting family, a child is treated with respect, even when being punished, and children are entitled to express their thoughts and feelings respectfully to their parents.

Parenting is protecting and preparing children to survive and thrive in society. Active parents act with confidence as they encounter the many challenges all parents faces.

Reference

Popkin, Michael H. Ph.D. Active Parenting Today: For Parents of 2 to 12 Year Olds. Atlanta, Georgia: Active Parenting Publishers.

Prepared by

Christine F. Olinsky, CFCS
OSU Extension Agent
Family and Consumer Sciences
Montgomery County