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Coping With Caregiving | |
I had begged my 83 year-old father to accept a caregiver for my ailing mother for 11 years, but he insisted on taking care of her himself. When she almost died from and infection caused by his inability to keep her clean, I had to step in despite his loud protests. I spent three months nursing her back to relative “health” while he screamed, yelled and even threw me out of the house. I was heartbroken to have my once-adoring father become verbally and physically abusive towards me. I didn't understand that his life-long negative behavior pattern of screaming and yelling (though never at me before), and his need to be in total control, was becoming distorted with the onset of dementia¾namely, Alzheimer’s. Forty caregivers came and went, as my father threw them out of the house. I cried rivers and fought through an unsympathetic medical system, astonished that my father could act normal in front of the doctors when he needed to. What I didn’t understand was that “demented does not mean stupid” at all. I finally started to succeed when a geriatric dementia specialist uncovered Stage One Alzheimer's in both of my parents, something their primary care physician missed entirely. They received medication to slow the dementia down and improve their cognitive functioning (Aricept, Exelon or Reminyl), as well as medication for the (often-present) depression in both, and then medication for the aggression in my father. Next I got my parents out of bed “waiting to die” and enrolled in Adult Day Care. Yes, convincing my father to go was a nightmare at first, but once he got into the routine he really enjoyed it. The pressure on me to entertain them was reduced (as was my stress level), and I was able to spend quality time with them in the evenings and on the weekends. With the right medical team and caregiver, and an Alzheimer’s support group, my stress level started to go down, because I finally had the support of professionals who understood what I was going through. Once I figured it all out, I knew I had to reach the 78 million baby boomers who are so often in denial about eldercare until they are in a crisis, and who statistically (along with many doctors) ignore the early warning signs of dementia for four years, thinking they are just a normal part of aging and untreatable senility. If you notice any of these warning signs in your loved one, please reach out for help sooner than later. Your blood pressure will thank you! Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's 1. Recent memory loss that affects job skills 2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks 3. Problems with language 4. Disorientation of time and place 5. Poor or decreased judgment 6. Problems with abstract thinking 7. Misplacing things 8. Changes in mood or behavior 9. Changes in personality 10. Loss of initiative | |
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