What to expect: Women A woman's work is never done--so goes the saying -- and during this time of uncertainty and healing, perhaps this is truer than ever. Women tend to be the ones responsible for keeping the home fires burning, children's schedules organized, and the their own lives in order. Plus, she is often involved with community connections, house of worship attendance, food shopping, and even getting her own nails done--often she wears so many hats, she can loose her own head. I can't recall ever having a working woman in therapy who didn't instinctively have her children's schedules easily retrievable, tucked away in some corner of her brain, whatever else she may have been involved in. Women tend to worry about family tradition, past, present and future in a way that men rarely do. Women are hard wired to nurture their young and to keep the family together.
During this turbulent time, more than ever, women, need the opportunity to talk, to be listened to and to be nurtured. Some women may want more sex, others who were previously interested, shun lovemaking and can't bear to be touched-well maybe held-but nothing more. Men, it helps to remember women that women tend to carry the vulnerability of family ties, hearth and home, children's skinned knees and fearful hearts. Be gentle with your loved one. Do the unexpected. Bring her flowers, make dinner reservations, and take care of her as best you can. She needs your support right now. And if you give it, you may be surprised at all you reap in return.
This is a time for careful thoughtful conversation and random acts of kindness. The need to express love is greater than ever. Gather your woman in your arms and tell her you love her. She needs you now. As you also need her. If she tries to push you away, take a deep breath and don't go. It is only her fear overtaking her neediness. Sidestep her terror, stay steady, and continue to speak wise words of comfort. This is one time being an old fashioned man, may come in handy. Don't toss out what eons of evolution have given you. A strong man who can use logic as well as offer his tender heart can bring you and your loved one closer. Almost any relationship can make it through good and easy times. Real relationships are broken and strengthened when the going gets rough. Whatever you do, this is a time to stay around. Don't get going.
Life is too hard to do alone,
Dr. D.
Dorree Lynn, PH.D.
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Dr. Dorree Lynn is co-founder of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and a practicing clinician in New York and Washington, DC. Dr. Lynn served on the executive board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and she is on the editorial board of their publication, Voices. She is also a regular columnist for the Washington, DC newspaper, The Georgetowner. Dr. Lynn is a noted speaker and well known on the lecture circuit.
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