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Deciding To Love...Finally!

by Linda Dominique Grosvenor    

Love in the romantic sense for most people is a concoction that is perfected by the walls of their mind, and sorely limited. The life they lead and the relationships that most people have, don't begin to even remotely resemble love. Men and women tend to focus on the "he's not doing" or "I wish she would's" of love instead of allowing love in all its majesty to just be. Untamed, innovative, spectacular and novel.

It seems that the more our love lives mirror the fairytales or the made for tv movies, the more content we appear to be and the more we believe we are on the mark. But reality needs to set in, or creep in if you will. Why must my love resemble yours? Who's to say that if I feel a deep attachment to a man that I care to label love in less that 4 weeks that it is too soon? Why should we allow the concept of time to rob us of this joyous feeling? For sure people will say, "take it slow, don't go to fast!" But slow down for what? To understand it? To pull it apart and dissect it? To see if it lives up to what people say that love is? What love is for me it may not be for you.

Never forget that time is man-made and we mustn't try to rationalize everything. A kiss is still a kiss and we need to learn to relish experiences for what they are, an attraction, a longing or more. Some things just are. We don't eat an ice cream cone and say, "I can distinctly taste the sugar, the milk and the vanilla beans." We lose the whole experience when we pick it apart. We devalue it. It loses its power of persuasion. It loses its mystique. Love is not an exact science mind you. You won't get the electric chair if you don't get it right. But do come inside, revel in it, satisfy your senses.

The problem is that we draw a "loving you blueprint" based on our surroundings that say that falling in love in a month is unconventional, risky and naïve. We trust when people who know little or nothing about love tell us that "nobody falls in love that quickly." But we need to realize that all things are possible and, for the most part a no holds barred love gives more pleasure than scrutinizing every gesture. Words are powerful, so are feelings. Love is an emotion and a response to that emotion. What does it mean to you? For some love means sex, for others it implies commitment and marriage. For others it means the thought of you makes me smile and I want you to know that. Buscaglia says, "the loving person has no need to be perfect, only human. The idea of perfection frightens me. We're almost afraid to do anything anymore because we can't do it perfectly. "

It is the fear of losing our unproductive complacency that stunts us in life and love. We seek to control everything we think and feel. We feel emotions and have compliments we are dying to give only to feel hindered by the world, general feedback or the way in which we feel we will be perceived. If we feel love say it! Why hold it in your heart smothering and stifling it until others feel it's the appropriate time? It becomes meaningless then. A sunrise is no longer a sunrise at 8pm. When you miss the moment it is gone forever. Tomorrow is not today and when tomorrow is gone, well…it's another day you miss sharing and enveloping love.

If you really want to know something or someone you have to experience it or them fully. You can't truly know love in all its glory without experiencing it. And you can't experience it with boundaries holding you back and preventing you from saying "you are special to me," or "I think I'm falling in love with you," even if you aren't quite sure. But, on the other hand, if you've made a secret vow to yourself to never fall in love again because a love you tried on didn't quite fit, then take yourself out of the game. By residing in or near the vicinity of love after you've told yourself that you don't want love, it will only lead to you hurting someone who is genuinely looking. Life and love needs to be delved into it like a fertile ocean. Holding back and saving it for later, what does it profit us? Nothing. What does it foster? Anxiety. What good do your feelings do anyone at a funeral?

We learn to love. Like the freeing wheeldom of riding a bike we should enjoy loving and allow people to love us. We deserve it! When it comes to love, regret is not something we can afford to have. When you fall off of the bicycle of love, dust yourself off and get back on. We should raise up both arms and allow the wind to hit our face and the high of it all to make our days increasingly more pleasant. Why do we put on the breaks? Why do we stop pedaling and preventing growth by examining our emotions? When we dissect love, we quench the enjoyment, the possibilities, the adventure. We lose out on the moment, and leave ourselves full of "what ifs."

As I watch children in a park playing their simple games, the are untainted by adulthood. Words like "because I said so," or "I'm sorry" come freely. Let's raise caring children that grow into loving adults and teach them by example. Shouldn't we teach them loving no holds barred? Love is more than a naïve and romantic construct. Love fuels our dreams, and the gives us a hum of contentment taht eminates from our souls. Can you feel it? Love is alive, taste it, touch it, smell it, say it, embrace it.