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How to Maintain a Long Distance Relationship

by Susan Dunn    

1. You must have good communication skills.

Communication skills of the other than in-person type. You'll be talking on the phone and writing a lot!

2. Communicate once a day at least.

If you can't afford phone calls, use email, instant message, even faxes.

3. Get together as often as you can. Regular intervals provide stability and build trust.

Plan the next get-together before you part. It builds trust and continuity in the relationship. Don't leave it up in the air whether you'll be meeting again or not. Set the next date if possible, or have a regular meeting time -- the first weekend of the month, for instance.

4. You must be willing to put extra effort into making it work.

It can be amazingly hard with today's busy lifestyles to make and keep even a phone date. (Mobile phones help a lot.) Travel can lose its charm after a while. Not being able to see each other every day means having to save important things you want to share, and allowing plenty of time for intimate conversation when you do talk or write.

5. If something's bothering you, bring it up right away.

Small concerns can grow into big problems if allowed to fester. It takes some skill to communicate LD but it can be done. Share your concerns, the trials of being apart, the difficulty in travel, etc. Just like you would if you were together -- the concerns might be different, but there would still be some.

6. Talk about small daily things and keep your partner up-to-date.

Since they can't experience it or see it, explain it, talk about it. It's especially important to share your lives this way -- what you're doing, where you ate lunch, the friends you're seeing, what you're doing at work. Email good articles you've read, share websites, books. Takes quizzes on line and share results. This brings immediacy to the relationship.

7. Suspicion and jealousy can become self-fulfilling prophecies, and if you're prone to this, an LD affair is not for you.

Assume and trust until given direct proof not to.

8. Meet in different places.

Since you're traveling anyway, you might as well add this to the mix. It can save you both time and money to meet somewhere in between. Trade off meeting at their place or yours. In that way, you'll get to know more about each other's lives.

9. Build toward the future and be optimistic.

Talk about when you'll be shortening the distanceЧmake sure you both have the same goals in that respect. Strong relationships always build to the future. Some people choose long distance relationships because they permanently like "distance," but they can work out, and we all know examples where they did!

10. Everybody likes surprise!  Indulge.

With the Internet, it's easy to send gifts. Snail mail cards, send e-cards, mail a book, flowers, candles. Keep your presence in front of the other person, and let them feel that you're thinking of them in as many ways as you can.

HAPPY WINTER!


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(c)Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach .  I offer coaching, distance learning and ebooks around emotional intelligence for you to enhance your career, relationships, resilience, and personal and professional development.  It's like the icing on the cake.  Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.  For daily EQ Tips, send a blank email to EQ4U-subscribe@yahoogroups.com .  Want to become a certified emotional intelligence coach?  www.eqcoach.net.