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Love is Not an Adjective...It's a Verb!

by Linda Dominique Grosvenor    

Love is more than passion and an ecstatic "I love you too." Love means more than sharing a cup of coffee, a toothbrush or exchanging e-mail. Love means "show me." Many overlook this clear fact and end up with undisolved coffee crystals in the bottom of a cup and wonder 2 years down the road where they went wrong.

When people tell me that chivalry is dead, I say, NO! Chivalry isn't dead, just taking a nap. Wake it up, resurrect it! Yes, you made the first move, took her out to dinner at the finest restaurant in your city and walked her back to her apartment and didn't pressure her for that first kiss, but now you're far beyond that. You want to be the only sunshine in her life, and the only hose watering her lawn, so be innovative. We put our best foot forward when we date, maybe we were overly generous and flattering trying to sell ourselves like an item marked down 50% off on a clearance rack, but you need to continue to convey these things to keep them.

You have to be a literal court jester, if you will. And if your grandmother never told you, I'm telling you, women love spontaneity! They love to be wooed. We don't want to feel like furniture. We aren't in your lives to be overlooked, under appreciated, disregarded or sat on.

You say you love her? Or maybe you feel it and you're just holding back those words that you think will change her into a fire-breathing dragon once she knows how you feel? Be brave Robin Hood! Why feel something that you can't say? The tomorrows of love aren't promised. Carpe diem - Seize the day! Love means much more than just words. Love means reaching for her hand in the supermarket between the honeydew melons and the tangerines. Love means not making her have to arm wrestle you for popcorn just because you're holding the bucket.

Love means, "I heard you mention that you wanted this new CD so I went out and got it for you just so you won't have to." Love means "I know you hate scary movies and action flicks and I hate love stories, but I'll sit through 'Love Actually, and enjoy every minute of it, just for you." Love means calling just to say goodnight, not just because she asked you to or because you feel obligated, but because the sound of her voice lulls you to sleep. Love is doing.

Listen guys, it's not about Prada and Fendi. It makes no difference to the average woman if it's Godiva or a Snickers bar, just give it. It's the little things that we remember anyway. We want to hear the words "I love you," yes, but we want to feel it too. Sure we appreciate the fancy dinner by candlelight, but sharing that double mocha fudge ice cream cone with sprinkles was a romantic gesture too. Bottom line, words are empty without actions to back them up. You heard the parable about the fig tree? It bore no fruit. It was cursed to die. You can curse your own relationship as well. See, we don't care how you show it, just convey love any way you know how. Love to us can mean something as simple as "you" learning to write poetry that doesn't necessarily have to make sense or rhyme. Love can be a song on a cassette. Love is knowing her favorite perfume and buying it because when you hug her, she leaves her scent all over you, and you secretly like that. Love could be actually knowing who makes her favorite lipstick and buying her a tube, especially when she's at the point that she has to dig the last of it out with her lipstick brush or her fingernail (that's always impressed me).

Fellas, whether you're in a long distance relationship or living right next door to the love of your life, realize that love letters have made a tremendous comeback. They are a tool, use it. Give Cupid a break will you? Draw a heart on the envelope yourself! Let the mailman know he's delivering some love.

This is life, take risks! Make an audiotape of things you'd like to say to her, if you're too shy to be direct. There are dozens of ways to add that lemony zest to your love life. You love her? Make your words entice, work, talk, move, express. Breathe life in your love before it withers into a pile of wet leaves. Or if you're simply one of those uncreative souls who are simply unmoved by the ideas here, but still can't manage a thought of your own, the least you can do is learn to say I love you in any other language than your own. How about French? "Je taime." She'd do it for you, and chances are she already has.