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12 Steps to Conscious Love - Part 3

by Robert Elias Najemy    

We can move towards a conscious love relationship by committing ourselves to consciously working towards that goal. We need to clearly understand what we kind of relationship we want to create and be willing to commit ourselves to that goal. This means choosing to work on ourselves rather than falling back into unconscious behavior patterns.

These twelve commitments free us to love our partner consciously without games and fears. Steps 1 to 6 were discussed in part 1 & 2

We can move towards a conscious love relationship by committing ourselves to consciously working towards that goal. We need to clearly understand what we kind of relationship we want to create and be willing to commit ourselves to that goal. This means choosing to work on ourselves rather than falling back into unconscious behavior patterns.

These twelve commitments free us to love our partner consciously without games and fears.

The first six were mentioned in the previous issue.

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7. I CONSCIOUSLY COMMIT MYSELF TO LEARNING TO LOVE YOU AND MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY.

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As you probably have understood this is the foundation of any conscious love relationship. The subject of accepting others is discussed in a previous chapter while the subject of accepting ourselves is discussed in "The Psychology of Happiness".

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8. I CONSCIOUSLY COMMIT MYSELF TO LEARNING TO FEEL AND SHARE MY EMOTIONS WITH YOU WITHOUT BLAMING YOU AND TO BEING ABLE TO LISTEN TO YOUR EMOTIONS WITHOUT TAKING THEM PERSONALLY.

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Many of us have lost the ability to know and express what we feel. This becomes a major obstacle in our exchange of love and energy. Being cut off from our real feelings, we are also cutting the other off from important parts of our being.

Another problem is that, not knowing what we really feel, we confront the other with the wrong emotions, which confuse him and create unnecessary conflicts. For example a man who does not recognize his fear expresses anger and his wife feels abused and hurt, for she has done nothing which warrants his anger. But her husband cannot express his fear.

His wife may not be able to accept her anger or sexual feelings and thus goes into depression, something he cannot understand, since she has "everything she needs" to be happy.

These problems cannot be solved until we are able to know what we feel and are able to express it. Of course, we want to learn to take responsibility for what we feel so that, when we share it with the other, we do not blame or criticize, but simply inform him or her about what is going on within us. How can we begin to know what we are feeling?

a. We can take time, be still and begin to feel what is going on in the body.

b. We allow our consciousness to flow into the various parts of the body and notice where we hold tension. Tension is a sign of pent up emotions.

c. We then go deeper and feel those emotions behind those superficial ones. For example we might feel anger and below that, hurt or fear which are causing the anger.

d. We can then get in touch with the needs and beliefs, which are creating those feelings.

e. We then accept and take responsibility for the feelings we are creating.

f. While accepting the part of ourselves which feels that way, we can also mentally send love and light to that part of our being - physical and mental.

g. Allow this love and light to heal that part of our being.

h. We then share our feelings, needs and beliefs with the other without criticism or blame.

From the book "Relationships of Conscious Love"

by Robert Elias Najemy